


A Fitting End

by Rayne



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-11
Updated: 2012-06-11
Packaged: 2017-11-07 11:51:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/430851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rayne/pseuds/Rayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vriska's thoughts after her death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fitting End

You roll over, eyes squeezed tightly shut, and curl into yourself, hands gripping your upper arms as tightly as they can, trying to block out a pain that you can't quite place. The feeling is a mixture of emotional and physical, it seems, although it also seems to have a hollowness to, like an imprint. Once you think about it, you're stuck having to wonder what it's even from, though you're fairly certain that it isn't something you would like to remember.

But, of course, it is something impossible to forget. It only takes minutes for the memory to come rushing back, leaving you gasping for breath as your knees meet your chest, shielding it from nothing. Damn it, why does it even hurt so damn much?! You open your mouth and let out a scream, and you don't even care, because nobody is around to hear it. Of course they're not around! No one even liked you! And now you're gone, and you can't change it. And so you scream and scream and scream, holding yourself tightly as your throat goes raw, screams turning into sobs. And who cares? Nobody. Nobody even knows, because nobody cares to listen. Nobody could listen if they wanted to. You don't know which fact hurts more.

Hours later, or maybe minutes, your sobs diminish, and you begin to think rationally, sorting out your emotions. You trusted her.

Did you? Or were you simply toying with her? Were you convinced that she was too weak to do it? No, of course not, you tell yourself. You try to convince yourself that you were not in the wrong, that you sincerely believed that you could win the fight, and you trusted her to believe in you, too. But you can't. You know that you were trying to manipulate her, and you know that you failed. Maybe deep down, you did believe that she cared enough to trust in your ideas, or that she wouldn't have it in her to hurt you, but you know that that was never what drove you to do it. You simply wanted to win.

But you were going to save them! That much was true. If you had gone and defeated Bec Noir, perhaps they would have forgiven you for your misdeeds of the past. You haven't apologized in sweeps, because you know it's useless. Why apologize for something too big for an apology to fix? And sometimes, you aren't even sorry. So you don't apologize. But when you want to, you can't find words big enough, because you have done so much already. They couldn't hate someone who had saved them all, though! Even the ones she didn't like! You needed something to redeem youself… Terezi couldn't have granted you even that?!

Terezi. This was her fault! She just wanted to save her own ass! But you know that isn't true, because that was never how she worked. Even when you were younger, she would risk all she had just to get you out of the situations your childish impulses had gotten you into. You know she wouldn't have hurt you unless she had no other choice.

But she had in the past.

You remember it all too well, the day that sent your trust in her spiraling downwards. 

Your faith in trolls in general, really. If you couldn't trust your partner, your sister, who could you trust? You can't blame it all on her, though, because you know that you were already skeptical in that area to begin with.

And she did it again. You laid your trust on her, let her in on a secret, and she fucked it up. You didn't deserve it…!

Yesyoudidyouknowyoudid.

No, you didn't! You were doing the right thing!

Noyouweren'tyouwerejustbeingselfish.

You just wanted to help!

Youwouldn'thaveneededredemptionifyoucouldjustcontrolyourself.

No, that's not true! Everyone is just out to screw you over! Everyone!!!!!!!!

You'reyourownworstenemy.

You slam your hands against your head, squeezing it as tightly as you can, just wanting it to fucking end.

It'sallyourfault.

It's not your fault, it's not! It's hers!!

And that's exactly what you make yourself believe.


End file.
